Haikus From CJ's Job, Volume I

A few weeks ago, I started writing haikus at work to pass time.  I posted some of them on Twitter & a few people liked them.  So I decided to put all of them shits on my blog. Enjoy.

dumb questions

Your question is dumb

Is your brain empty? Or are

You just retarded?

ain’t shit funny

Why are you smiling?

Did someone tell you a joke?

Lose the creepy grin.

bullshittin

I understand. I’m

Lying. I was not paying

Attention to you.

chill

Why are you angry?

Who pissed in your cereal?

It’s not a big deal.

ain’t no debating

Don’t argue with me

I know this service forwards

And backwards, asshole.

leave me alone

I will smile when I

Feel like it. Get the hell out

Of my face, woman.

dumbasses

Seriously, how

Did you make it this far in

Life? You are stupid.

cheap bastards

We are not paying

Your damn late fee. Pay your bills

On time, you moron.

ice cold

I am laughing at

Your problems. Your sob story

Only makes me smile.

shit casserole

Your lunch smells like raw

Sewage. Stop microwaving

Doo-doo sandwiches.

it’s what I do

I get paid to feign

Interest. I am really

Good at fake caring.

pet peeve

Stop talking about

Dogs like they’re human. They think

That you’re crazy too.

Charlie Brown

When you talk, I hear

Muted trombones. I just nod

Until you shut up.

you’re wasting your time

I cannot help you

You have called the wrong number.

Go the fuck away.

get gone

I have already

Solved your problem. Why are you

Still yapping your gums?

speak up

Why are you speaking

In a faint whisper? Use you

Big boy voice.

deal with it

It is not our fault

That you’re irresponsible

With your finances.

I don’t know…

I have no people

Skills. How have I made if for

Four years in this place?

aha, ok, what’s up? Shut up

I like you when you’re

Silent. You lose cool points when

You open your mouth.